Google has implemented a pop-up alert on its home page urging users to refrain from using depressing search queries and to seek help from a therapist instead. The company stated that their search engine is intended to be a tool for information, not a place for users to unload their emotional burdens. The high volume of distressing searches was taking a toll on Google’s engineers, algorithms, and servers. The pop-up message emphasized the need for users to lighten up their queries and spare Google from bearing the weight of their emotional troubles. Google recommended seeking professional help instead of using their search engine as a personal diary.
The warning sign also hinted that Google employees had to seek their own therapists due to the overwhelming number of dark and distressing search queries they were exposed to. The company expressed concern over the emotional burden it placed on its employees to handle such queries and asked users to consider the impact of their words on the people behind the search engine. Google urged users to focus on lighter topics such as state capitals and red carpet photos from movie premieres.
In a surprising twist, Google’s newest alert hinted at a potential response to queries suggesting self-harm or suicidal thoughts. The message warned users that the next time they asked if they should “end it all,” Google may direct them towards that decision. This served as a stark reminder of the seriousness of the content users were submitting to the search engine.
In unrelated news, a group of men in a bathroom announced a plan to breathe loudly, showing a lighter, humorous side to the day’s events. This bizarre announcement added a touch of humor to an otherwise serious topic, perhaps as a way to lighten the mood after the intense warnings from Google.
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https://www.theonion.com/google-announces-everyone-s-got-to-chill-with-these-dep-1851551187